Power of Integration 整合的力量

Everything happens in a relationship said by a coach, Kelly, whom I admired a lot.
If we are willing, we will see that we have a relationship with everyone and everything around us! And it is this relationship that moves us forward or backward.
And in the workplace, one thing that bothers a lof of managers is how to manage the relationships with their employees. More often than not, managers are dancing between professional and personal relationships with their subordinates. Professional relationship, in its words, is about professional goals, a relationship established because of company or a project, while personal relationship focuses more on the personal level of individuals such as friendships and it may or may not relate to professional goals.  
If just personal relationship and no professional relationship, then the manager tends not to be a high performance manager because he/she can't demand their employees to perform effectively and achieve the goals. However, if just professional relationship and no personal relationship, then employees tend to just do what they are asked to do without thriving to achieve their own best. Sounds like a challenging situation, isn't it?
To be continued~~

I've been doing quite a lot of work on myself lately regarding recognizing my own shadow and those qualities that I don't like in myself based on the book of "The Dark Side of The Light Chaser". For me, it's a powerful process although during process of discovery and recognizing and embracing, it didn't feel good or more accurately it was scary!!
Meditation is a powerful way to put yourself into this process. It's very simple to do it. Simply close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to relax your whole body or focus your attention on your breathing and when you feel you are relaxed enough then you can start this process and allow words, pictures, or feelings to come into your awareness or consciousness. 
See yourself getting on a yellow bus and you are on your way to a trip that you've been looking forward to and you are very excited about it. When you are sitting on the bus, your attention are on the outside of the bus and you are appreciating the view there. However, this bus is full of people with all kinds of looks and shapes. And actually those people are people that you don't like and you don't want to see. Nevertheless, give yourself courage to look at them, each one of them, because once you are open to them, everyone of them, as a matter of fact, has gifts for you and give them permission to talk to you no matter who shows up in front of you.
In my own process, the first person showed up in front of me is "Mean Bob". He looks like a monster, a very ugly one and when he came up to me, I was feeling Oh My God, how come he looks like a beast and so ugly and his back has a lot of thorns actually. But I've asked myself to allow myself to discover so I agree to get off the bus with him and have a conversation together. I asked Mean Bob, what's the gift he brings to me and he said to me "Authority" and "Protection" and I told him I really don't like him at all. Why we have to be mean to people?? Why can't we be nice and sweet?? Mean Bob told me that it's only one of the ways to relate to people and it's not the only way but it's necessary. And I agreed with him. I asked Mean Bob so how can I do to make him feel complete? Mean Bob told me "Understanding". Just to understand the necessarity of his existence. After talking to him, I feel much better and relief. I still don't like Mean Bob because he is really ugly but now I can understand that his existence is necessary and to understand would mean a lot to him. So after the conversation, we went back to the bus together and I went back to my own seat again.
When I was sitting there, another person came up to me. And she is "Weak Annie". Weak Annie is so small and I barely can feel her energy!! I went off the bus with her and I asked Weak Annie "what's the gift she brings to me?" Weak Annie immediately said to me "Power" and "Confidence"!! And I realized yes, she is right. I was always afraid to show up in front of people that I am weak and useless. And what Weak Annie said to me made me realize that's the gifts she brought to me. I thanked her for that. And I asked Weak Annie "how can I make her feel included?" Weak Annie said "Compassion". To compassionate those weak people and empathy them. I am grateful about what Weak Annie told me and it makes me feel more softened-hearted. We went back to the bus together and my jounery in this meditation ended.

我的家現在有六個人,媽媽,弟弟,弟媳,大妹,小妹,當然還有我。
我常常跟別人分享我有很棒的家人,因為除了官方的關係之後,我的媽媽,弟妹,還有弟媳都是我生命中重要的夥伴,也是一個心靈上很重要的依靠。很多時候,我真的很感謝有他們在身邊,因為有他們,我知道我永遠有一個港灣可以停靠,在那裡只有愛與支持！我以我的家人為豪！
回想青少年時期的我,回到家,跟爸爸媽媽,三言兩語就會吵起來,而且吵的不可開交,天翻地覆,我想應該從那個時候,就已經鍛鍊了我做大聲婆的功力。不過,往往在吵完之後,平靜下來,自己也莫名其妙有那麼多火氣,不過那是後來才覺得莫名其妙,在那個時候的我,每天可是很不自覺的重複的相同的模式在過生活。到了大學,更乾脆搬出去住,也自己開始打工,不跟家裡伸手要錢,關係也就漸行漸遠,慢慢的,家,變成一個每個禮拜回家睡覺的旅館。
畢業之後,我立刻到美國去念我的MBA。當初,自己爭取的很厲害,也是一股勁的一定要出國,雖然知道家裡的財務沒有那麼的寬鬆可以讓自己舒服的去唸書,但是心理的這一股渴望驅動著我,一定要去,而爸爸也說服了媽媽讓我去,雖然那時候的媽媽常常說 "女孩子念那麼多書幹麻??" 但事實證明,老爸是慧眼獨具,雖然獨排眾議,那個眾議除了媽媽之外,還有老家的伯父姑姑們也覺得不可行。現在回想起來,真的很感謝父親。雖然爸爸沒有念什麼書,只有小學畢業,但是回想這一路上爸爸所做的決定真的是很有智慧,也很有遠見！！
待續~~

今年滿34歲了耶!! 很多人不喜歡告訴別人自己的年紀,可是我發現我自己很愛大聲嚷嚷我的年齡。原因很簡單,因為我收到的回應都是"真的嗎?看不出來耶,你看起來像20幾歲耶!!" 當然,我真心相信這些回應是真誠發自內心的囉！呵呵呵
回想7年前的我,那時的我是27歲,但是你知道當我站在大家面前,當我告訴別人我真正的年紀時,大家的反應也很真誠,幾乎是一致的"真的嗎?看不出來耶,我以為你快40了!!" 如果額頭上那三條線是可以被看見的話,那麼你肯定會看到有粗粗的三條線從我右邊的額頭上筆直的到我的臉頰。
回看過去這些年的時間,我真心的相信,一個人的年紀真的跟他的內在有關係。這也是為什麼我超愛"黑暗,也是一種力量"裡面所要傳遞的訊息。當我越來越願意整合內在的自己,而不是只是一味的外求時,那麼我就越能夠接受與放下,並且臣服於我是誰。最近剪了一個有劉海的髮型,有一天小花拿我們小時候的照片給我看,我才突然發現,我小時候常常穿裙子耶,而且我現在的髮型跟小時候一樣耶!! 很多人終其一生的目標就是做自己,我也是,看到這些小時候的照片,我突然收到什麼是做自己。雖然是用髮型為例,但是的確引發我想起這句引言 "我們奮鬥的最終目的地,就是要抵達我們的起始點,且以初次見面的方式去認識它。The end of all our striving will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. __ T.S. Elliot"

剛才注意到今天的日期,突然發現今天是爸爸離開這個世界的第五年。今年也是我的生命靈數的流年五。今天也是我正式成立我的部落格的日子,而且是打算很認真的經營這個部落格喔！其實我的妹妹珍小花一直很鼓勵我寫東西,但我總是有一堆的理由跟藉口為什麼我不行,i.e.我用說的比較有靈感,用寫的我就會卡住;我沒什麼創作能力啦,你比我會寫,好羨慕喔;我哪有時間寫;我不會用部落格啦,很複雜耶, blah blah blah ... 當然,旁觀者清,當局者迷。
回到我的父親。雖然爸爸走了那麼久了,但是我總是能夠感受到父親帶給我的祝福blessings! 有時候,我想起父親,就會有一股很感動的感覺,有那種電流通過身體的感受。有時候,自己碰到一些不如意的事情或者挫折的時候,想起爸爸就會有一股力量繼續往前走,因為我是爸爸的女兒。^_^ 我的父親不是那種Rara(就是那種很會說去表現自己的人),他比較是那種噯曖內含光型的。雖然爸爸說的不多,但是回看爸爸的一生,我真的更加感受到什麼叫做"名聲_reputation_what you are known for"。爸爸一直以來是正直有操守的男人。有時候覺得ㄟ...你會不會太固執了一點,但是現在回看,嗯...原來這個叫做原則!! 是的,用我的原則過生命,一直是爸爸過活的標準。
五年的時間過去,更加感受到父親對我的影響。我覺得跟父親溝通一個很棒的方法,就是閉上眼睛,然後想一個問題問爸爸,然後就安靜,然後就會有一些感受或者體驗或者話語開始進入。聽起來很神奇是嗎? 試試看唄！